10 yrs from Now
J tagged me to answer what i want to be 10 yrs from now.

Well, i am a non planner, to be frank have no clue what i will be 10yrs from now..so let me do some blue sky thinking here.
Hope 10yrs from now, i am more wiser, more at peace with everything around, better at handling chaos.

Would imagine i would be a mother of a kid by then, hopefully will be doing good..hope i am not in IT around that time, doing something which like doing, having time to explore my interests.

As i give the various exams of life
passing some with flying colors, some just passing on borderline, failing a few
i wonder how my scorecard would look
when i finally meet the principal, will he say well done!
or will he say i am disappointed, i expected much more from you

Must say the examiner is a genius, each student gets a personalised paper,
so no one can cheat/copy. As u keep giving exams, he keeps setting new ones for you
Sometimes he sets something easy, which give u a kick and sometimes he sets something tough

I know that in my report card this is one blank mark, and there is no way i can correct that...Oh teacher, i sometime wish,i do not have to give any exam..can i drop out?...i know that's not allowed as per the rules. :(

When we look around, we get to hear about the so many people, who were given difficult tests and how the got distinction, such stories motivates one to give his/her best shot

In this school, there is only one class, each student has his own curriculum,
, there is no end to acquiring wisdom, alas there is no end to the exams :-p. But i guess, the joy one experiences on each triumph is worth the pain

I guess more important then that, its the attempt that matters

Team

Just saw the movie Chak De, which talks about the true story of a coach, who lead the indian women hockey team to world cup. It makes realise one more time the magic of team, 1+1 is surely 11, if there is team spirit.

Today as i look back at my career so far, can think of so many projects delivered with awesome team spirit, wherein for everyone it was the project that was of outmost importance..nothing else...no personal gain came into picture anywhere.

I remember in one project i called up the india arch who had not slept for 30 hrs at stretch, as i had run out of ideas to solve a issue once, remember a team mate being there for me once, when i felt we could not solve an issue....his just being there with me made so much of difference...another guy whom i could call any point of time....and when i will tell him i am sorry for calling so late, he will always remind me..madhu keep the big picture in mind.

A friend for whom stopped realising the time difference, as assumed he can be called anytime in case of need.

Nothing is more rewarding then to be part of such a team, wherein this energy flows...when i look back, and think of the various struggle periods....can see the magic of team spirit!

Laga Chunari Mein Daag Review
Saw LCMD today, by the name of the movie anyone guess the storyline.
Yep its sad story.In terms of acting....everyone is amazing...especially Rani, Jaya, Konkana(in the mentioned order, as per me). Would say its a very well directed movie.

I cried so much watching it...its been a while since a movie made me cry.
So, if are interested in seeing good acting and have a tissue box handy...go for it.
Its a very touching tale.

The way Rani comes to city, in the hope of earning money for her family..telling her family lies that she has a job...so that they allow her to go...The scene where rani calls home to tell her mother she is coming back....where her mother barely hears her and just tells her about the problems...and later realises what her daughter was trying to say....lot of touching scenes...

The movie makes u think, so many people come to city in the hope of earning money for there family, such a small percentage of them really make it.

After seeing the movie, i remembered that today, while was on the street, met a couple with a kid..they asked me if i knew marathi or hindi...and i said yes..the husband told me that they had gone to tirupati and they had lost there money, if i can help them out...i was looking at them trying to find out are they being honest or not...he said he will send the money..i asked them what the fare is for a railway ticket...he said 200 Rs each. I gave him 500 Rs note, he then said there are 2 more people...if i can shell 500 Rs more...i somehow started doubting them...so just said no and moved on.

Sometimes it becomes very tough to differentiate between geninue and cheats. Sadly one bad experience and you stop trusting anyone.

I really hope this couple was geninue.

Indian Airlines Flight
After ages i recently travelled in IA. Normally when i have to travel via flight will think of private players and would never consider IA as an option...as with govt run airlines u will always associate poor service.
Thought lets give it a try...as the timings suited me well.

Was pretty curious to see how the flight experience will be...as the first flight i took when i was a kid maybe 7 yrs old was in IA. I remember very clearly that, as soon as we boarded, the air hostess came with toffees they had special mint toffees then...and i opened my hand to grab a good amount then i heard my father's voice telling me to pick just 2.
I was like...these adults they will never understand...why do i have to always act as a mature well behaved kid(as kids, my brother and me preferred sitting with mother than father..as father was strict :))...with a very sad face i picked two...luckily the air hostess could read my dejected look and gave me a handful of toffees...i was thrilled.

My brother tells me that, when the flight was about to land..we both unbuckled our seat belts and stood up holding the front seats and giggled when we experiences turbulence.

As i was thinking all this..waiting for the announcement to board the flight...got to hear that the flight was delayed by 20 min's...as soon as we boarded the plane..got to know there will be 20 more minutes of delay...i somehow felt, this experience is gonna not be so nice.

When the flight took off..the air hostess came with tray of toffees...i searched for the mint toffees...alas...could not find it had to settle for the imli toffee..anyways was happy to get a toffee.
They offered us juice and later dinner...Must stay the cabin crew in IA is really very good, very hospitable.

Will surely travel again :)

Perceptions

If we look around and see, we have formed perceptions about each and every person, and we just act based on it.

Something which we do unknowingly becomes the key characteristic in other person's eyes.
If i look inside and think about the common perspection people of me...i am for most of my office colleagues a workholic, who has no life....:-)

I once did some leadership building course, as part of that two people were paired up and were asked to fill questionaire which had questions about the other person.
From my partner i got to hear, i don't want to work with her...she seems no fun types...i was shocked to hear that...then i realise maybe thats the feel outsiders get of me.

Recently went to a b'day party of my friend's son and my friend said, thanks Mataji for coming...man i could feel the age at that moment. I wonder what made him create such an image of me :)

I am still trying to decipher that :)

My Aunt
Went for a day to baroda to see my aunt, she used to stay in same colony as ours in delhi, only two years back they shifted to baroda.

Being there reminded me of lot of memories...
Uncle and aunty are very close friends of my parents, as well me. There were lot of time when i felt like just going to there place to just talk...and they could always relate to me...we never faced any generation gap. In delhi, most of my friend group has dispersed from delhi and i have made my mother's friends mine :)

My aunt is a very strong lady, who has lived a life which is an inspiration for us...never seen so one so selfless...she was the pillar of strength for my mom, when my father passed away. Like an elder sister, she used to take care of her.

I had planned to go to baroda when i had taken 2 months off...because of some confusion did not go...when i talked her, she had no complaints of any sorts.

Seeing now her in ICU...felt real bad...felt very helpless...could not do any normal talk with anyone there...felt whatever i say is utter waste and meaningless.

Felt how futile is this existence..there is so much pain around...

Could see some people talk general things "aapke yaha filter coffee powder milta hai"...i was like who cares a damn abt it... i guess they were trying to just have normal talk....even that is important i guess.

Only thing that was bundle of joy there were her grandchildren...twins...seeing them everyone seemed to lighten-up. Thank you advait and akshaj for being there for everyone.

I hope she recovers a bit and does not go through too much pain.

Breaks Over
Tomorrow marks the end of my week long(correction short) vacation..sob sob sob
Back to the grind from monday...
Back to the world of status reporting, tracking, losing calm :)
On the sidenote, back to the world of taking small tea breaks and small chat breaks
back to experiencing joy on wednesdays, as more then half of the week is over
and being in best spirits on friday

Yet still not ready to face the world(read office)
Khaas school mein hoti...bol paati mummy tuesday se jaoongi, monday nahin jaoongi
Ab aisa kise bolu...koi nahin samjhega :)

I remember in school the thought of taking day off meant, not meeting your friends
hence would rarely take off
In office, finding such friends is rare and sadly when u find them...its tough to take out time

Lets see how days will be from Monday. Having severe monday blues starting today itself :)

Silence

Who says silence does not speak
So much get said without having to say it
One can hear if the ears of heart are open

Sometimes lot is said, but still it does not get conveyed
The cluttered thoughts in our minds block us from really hearing it
And sometimes we do listen but filter what we listen
Based on the moods of our mind

I guess, we do not know what it means to listen
listening to what is not said and saying without having to really tell


Read this quote sometime back by Aldous Huxley:
After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.

First Company-First Love
Last weekend met a friend, who worked with me in my first company.
We spoke about how we all were at that time, for us friendship mattered more than anything else...the reason we wanted to stick around though there was no work was because we had amazing people.

I remember, one friend of mine there, really hoped that a particular project came through, else he knew one of his close friend will think of leaving. He was willing to give his project to his friend so that he does not leave.

I guess, with time...we have matured and got rid of such sentimental attachment. Those sure were memorable days. I do not think i can ever feel the same way i felt working there, i guess it has to do more with it being the first company.
And i guess, i was really lucky to meet so many like-minded people at one place.

I remember that, when i joined there...i decided i will never leave this company until they fire me :D. Now, i will never say something like that for any company :)

Being Stranded Experience

Last time i came to US, on my return...i got stranded in Amsterdam for couple of hours. Our connecting flight got cancelled thrice and finally they said, u guys have to stay for the night and take the flight in the morning. The airlines said, they will provide us accommodation and also take care of the food expenses etc...

It was amazing to see how people bonded, i had a middle seat in the plane(did i not tell u, my luck is running out these days), next to me on left was a school teacher, who taught in Nicobar and had gone to see her two sons settled in US, another person who sat on my right was a guy in his forties, who had settled in US, going to India on vacation.

The lady asked me to share the hotel room with her.

There was one more female, whom i got to meet, she was travelling to India along with her aunt first time after marriage, it seems she came to Sweden to meet her cousin, she fell in love with some Swedish guy, got married and now she is going for the first time to meet her family.
I was bit surprised to hear her story, as she came from a very orthodox background, and it seems her parents were all fine with it.

Also met a old couple, who were coming back after meeting there daughter, it was nice to hear about some of there views.

Before i left US, had very recently seen Before Sunrise/Afer Sunset movies, and i was in my dream world of meeting my Mr Right and i thought, what if i meet someone here, who is also stranded like me(ya, i am crazy :).

During the duration we were together, the two co passengers knew everything about me, and i also got to know so much...so at the near end of our journey, in the flight we were helping each other pick gifts based on the coupons the airlines gave us.

We Indians, have so much tendency to inquire...i remember we reached a time, when i felt these two people were asking me too much personal questions, i better wear my headphones.

Its also amazing to feel the concern, while at the hotel, i wanted to send mail, and as i was going down in search for a cafe in hotel, another couple asked me if everything was fine at my end, as they made out i was alone.

Nice Experience!

Some Snaps i took long time back...which i like

Jal Mahal

An Amazing Fort in Rajashthan

I like the color contrast....

Chilling Out

Hampi..the ruins

Innocence

Red Chillies

Hardworking women

Cute Monks in Dharamshalla

Solitude...

Formalities

I hate it when i end up doing something which i do not like doing but do not want to be rude.

Take this simple case, you are out of at a client location, and u r the only girl...there is a guy with you who does not know how to cook...u have nothing in common to talk about..u r forced to think, should i make food for him too.

One way when u think about it, whats the big deal...on one side i read books on buddha who is full of compassion and you really want to follow him, when it comes real life...u r contemplating what your right act should be for such petty matters.

So i face this conflict between the spiritual me and the feminist me.The feminist in me, never lets me do anything which she thinks people want me to do as its a girl thing...:), do it if u feel for it, that's it.

If i look back and think about how i was when in college, if my mother ever wanted me to dress up nicely...when we went to some relatives place...i will never do that..she had to really persuade me and then she will just give up on me.

another instance of the feminist ruling the way..if someone came to our house to stay and the luggage had to be brought up...i will pick it up and bring it on..just to prove a point that...don't think women are weak..and at night will ask my mom to put Moov, as i can feel the strain.


I guess, with age, the feminist and the spiritual me will become friends and come to a conclusion and i will just follow :)

My wise friends...

I have a niece who is around 12 yrs old, once she came to visit me in delhi. At that time i was doing my masters...i remember, once i was loaded with some assignment..and i instead of working on it in the morning..pushed it evening and so sat working on it pretty late....she came and said the next day, akka if u had done it earlier, you did not had to sit so late and maybe we both could have gone out...

I felt at that instance, yep you are right....new generations are lot more systematic/intelligent :) Kids sometimes teach us so much.

One my way to back from office, i meet a girl occasionally, who asks me to join her game....when i am with her...life seems so much fun....and all my troubles seem so small/stupid. When i am not in a mood to play because of something that happenned in office, she asks me what happenned, when i tell her at a high level what happenned...she will just say...tell him u r katti and will not talk to him because he said x...

I sometimes feel, her advices make perfect sense :)

The child in me, gets thrilled when i do something not expected for adults, like leaving early from office to see a movie, getting off on my way back to a shopping area, and just roam for a while...,not working sometimes in the office and telling the boss directly, i don't want to work today, and when i get to hear a approval nod from the boss... as if some adult has allowed a kid to go play and study later....starting to sing not caring who is hearing...

There has been not some good moments, when i act like this...recently i said to my team, i hate planning...and i see my PM looking at me with surprise...as though thinking, i thought she is the most experienced among the lot here, a seasoned senior associate, she seems so immature.

We all have a kid within us i guess, who wants us to return to childhood once in a while... break free from this world of logic/responsibility for a while and return to simplicity, innocence, small joys...where the rules are very simple....2+2 is always 4, 1+3 cannot be four :)

Basically telling us, life is not that complex as u make it sound :)

Want to Wander...

I know of a bird, which has left the cosy nest, and has wandered out to explore the world. She does not want to follow the norm which her clan has followed so far.

I had a talk with her and she said, i just want to go where life takes me, i don't have any destination in mind, i just want to experience things, as they unfold.

She was telling me about her journey so far, the kind of people she met...a boy who was lost in the world of art, for whom nothing else mattered...his life devoted to understand art....a girl who was a bundle of joy and who would make friends at the drop of a hat...a Chinese lady, who could not communicate with her, but her warmth was beyond the boundaries of speech...
and she carried on and on....

i asked her don't u want to stop somewhere and make your home.

And she said, wherever i am, its my home.

I said don't you want achieve something, something u can be proud of, like your cousin who has settled in Himalayas, and has set an example that nothing is impossible for a sparrow.

People who are close to you must be expecting something from you.

She laughed and said, do i need to achieve something for myself or others. If i can live the life with a open mind, i would be satisfied...

And then she started to talk about the future travel plans she had, she wanted to visit someone old aunt of hers who is very wise and how times flies when she is with her....and she wants to go to Antarctica and see the penguins..

She told me about her friend/guide wind, who is all wise and tells her of the interested places she should go to...i said, can u introduce me to your friend wind.

I also want to wander....

Angel
Today i am remembering my friend..whom i call angel...someone who is a bundle of joy...full of energy, life...positivity...who can make new friends at drop of a hat.

Someone who has small wishes...when u hear abt it, u feel she is crazy...but on more thought...u feel...she is really living and kicking.

Reminds me what life is all about...

Yesterday got a chance to go to a school to distribute notebooks. Our company has started some initiatives to do something for society...this was one of them.

For me this was an opportunity to go to school...go down the memory lane and remember how life was.....when we went there...could see the excitement in the eyes of students...they must be wondering what are these bhaiya/didi's doing in our school.

After distributing the books...we got a chance to sit in the staff room...saw photos of great freedom fighters, leaders...chandrashekhar azad, gandhi, radhakrishnan..school was the time for being idealist...doing hero worship. I remember when i was in 7th grade, i and another friend of mine used to see at the top of the slider and talk about what all we can do to transform the society...

In the school, saw the different charts the kids had made. Remembered all those assignments i got to do...remembered how some assignments used to became assignments for parents. In SUPW(Socially useful productive work), i remember my mother did some embriodery for me...while i was having fun :)

Remembered the enthusiasm at the start of a session, new books, copies, bags....it was amazing...also remembered the rush to finish the holiday homework before the end of holidays...

Wish i can go back again to School :)

Purpose in Life

I was just thinking...sometimes i wonder what is the purpose of life...i wonder do people think about it too?
Its something like the maslow principle...only at the self actualisation/realisation stage...u will think of purpose etc..
I feel irrespective of the maslow levels...everyone has a purpose..the purpose is always beyond u.
It can be as simple as taking care of family...ensuring u r able to fulfill there wishes etc. With that purpose statement, one is ready to ignore a bossy boss, the corruption etc Every fight seems worthwhile in life.

If we see around, we see so many examples of it..

Simple Pleasures of Life...........

I am on vacation, away from the pressure of deadlines, planning, replanning...thinking what each person in the team will do etc...Having time to notice on small things and reflect back on small pleasures.

Small pleasures like having nimbu paani or gaane ka juice in summer...or eating kakadi with masala and nimbu :)

Small gestures of people whom u don't know...but their actions touch you...remember once in b'lore was going to the main road from my house in summer...the walk is about 15 mins not much...as i was going ...a not so well off lady going with her kids in a rick stopped and asked me to get in...i was so touched...everyone made a little place for me so that i could sit.

Made me think, will i ever do something like this...if i see a poor lady going ..i feel not be that comfortable giving her a lift..as will think i cannot trust her.

Today went to a tiny shop to buy something and i just took what the shopkeeper gave and started walking...he called me and said u have not taken the change.

My maid in b'lore feels sad when there are no dishes to clean...as she knows i did not eat properly last night...her concern touches me and makes me think..when did i last ask her...how r u?