On LOA for the first time, when i took it felt that 1 month of LOA will just feel like extended vacation, just that no pay :) ,was perfectly fine with that.
On day 1 of LOA, get a call from my company saying you need to return your laptop as you are taking 31 days off, 1 day more than a month. Post few minutes, when i tried logging into my mail box(cannot mend this habit of mine of checking mails at least once in a day). Saw that i could not log in, felt maybe i am typing something wrong, tried again. Called up the PSO lady, confirming is it because of LOA, got the answer 'Yes'.
I said how about at least help desk, if say i want to extend my LOA, got to know no access at all.
It felt very weird to be frank, 11 yrs of connect, disconnected with no concern/care. Thought of the numerous instances i had made so many personal sacrifices, always keeping work as the prime, so much that Workaholic became my adjective, which i hated so much.
Took me a while to feel okay again, in someways feeling free, no connection, completely free, i am just me and nothing else. Connects which were really with me will remain, the rest will tamper down. A reminder how impermanent everything is and also felt how "I" centric i am, getting hurt by such small things. Recollected the following lines Kabir sang:
उड़ जाएगा पंछी अकेला
जग दर्शन का मेला
जैसे पात गिरे तरुवर से
मिलना बहुत दुहेला
न जाने किधर गिरेगा
लगया पवन का रेला
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