Why?

I like to explore places and experience art
Like to call myself a seeker 
marvelled at what nature reveals to me

Ma, you know my wishes are pure, uncontaminated
but then why u stop me?

i like to walk like a free bird
Why Ma, the world around me tells its not wise to do that?

Why cannot i feel free ma?
Why i am told about does and don't of society

Why is still a girl thought of needing someone to protect her
Be it father, brother, husband or son

I know i can take care of things
Why then this world makes me feel weak sometimes

I dont think we as women have still experienced what is freedom
The world has not considered woman as human yet

Gratitude

Listened to "Kholo Kholo" song from Taare Zameen Par movie. The scene where Ishaan realises that his teacher has drawn his painting, his expression says so much. I interpret his emotions as, of all the things, Sir, you thought of drawing me?, ME...Why sir, i am not worthy of it, do i mean so much to you. 

This scene and the scene where Ishaan comes running to hug his teacher, always makes me cry.  Someone who believed in you, when you yourself did not believe in yourself, is the priceless gift bestowed by Almightly.

When i look back and think of this, i think of my Maths tuition teacher who had amazing confidence on me, she used to dream real high for me, her love made me feel top of the world, at a time when i did not  think i was worthy of acheiving anything great. During graduation, my Analysis subject teacher also loved me a lot, her bestowing award which she started in memory of her guide, made me feel really blessed. Remember how i and another girl use to crave for her attention in class :) Who will she look at more while teaching :).

During my career, have found myself on the other side too, and that feeling of seeing someone succeed or just being a witness of the daily good done by the person, makes one really wish with pure heart, Good and nothing else for the person. This feeling is priceless too.

रंगमंच

एक ही परिस्थिति को देखने के है कितने नज़रिए
हर नज़र  में है लिपटी मेरी अनुभूतियों और भावो के रंग
कुछ भी न देखता पूर्ण सफ़ेद रंग पृष्ठ भूमि  पर
अपनी ही बुद्धि की  सृष्टि पर अब आती है हँसी
एक दर्शक के रूप में देखती हू  नित नए  नाटक
अपने ही बनाएं  रंगमंच पर

Trek

As you trek through the mountains
you are conscious of where you place your next foot and nothing else
no other thought comes to your mind as you walk the treacherous vine
A wrong footing can make you pay a heavy price
But oh wanderer! don't just focus on just the walk
Do take a break, sit back and cherish the surroundings

After all its the journey that matters not the destination

मझधार

कोन सा है पथ  सही, कोन सा ग़लत
नहीं बूझ पाता यह दिल कभी
अपनी ही सोच में नहीं मिलता  तुक कभी
इक अजब कश्मकश  में पाती हु खुद को में


ए सखी , सुनो शान्ति से अपने मन की
वो ही देखाएगा तुमे रास्ता

सचाई और सुकून का 


माना पथ है कठीन, और जाना है अकेले
पर यू ही चलते चलते ही मिलेँगी   नयी  आशाएँ
जो भरेंगी  तुम्हे और देखएँगी एक नया लक्ष्य ज़िन्दगी का

So is the World

On LOA for the first time, when i took it felt that 1 month of LOA will just feel like extended vacation, just that no pay :) ,was perfectly fine with that.

On day 1 of LOA, get a call from my company saying you need to return your laptop as you are taking 31 days off, 1 day more than a month. Post few minutes, when i tried logging into my mail box(cannot mend this habit of mine of  checking mails at least once in a day). Saw that i could not log in, felt maybe i am typing something wrong, tried again. Called up the PSO lady, confirming is it because of LOA, got the answer 'Yes'.

I said how about at least help desk, if say i want to extend my LOA, got to know no access at all.

It felt very weird to be frank, 11 yrs of connect, disconnected with no concern/care. Thought of the numerous instances i had made so many personal sacrifices, always keeping work as the prime, so much that Workaholic became my adjective, which i hated so much.

Took me a while to feel okay again, in someways feeling free, no connection, completely free, i am just me and nothing else.  Connects which were really with me will remain, the rest will tamper down. A reminder how impermanent everything is and also felt how "I" centric i am, getting hurt by such small things. Recollected the following lines Kabir sang:

उड़ जाएगा पंछी अकेला 

जग दर्शन का मेला 

जैसे पात गिरे तरुवर से 

मिलना बहुत दुहेला 

न जाने किधर गिरेगा 

लगया पवन का रेला 

धर्मशाला

 बिन मांगे मिला घर
नासमझी में मान लिये  इसे अपना
भूल गए हम कि,  यह है  कुछ दिन का बसेरा
जब तक है लिखा, उतने दिन ही है रहना

संगृहीत  करते रहे, हम न जाने क्या क्या
फिर भी पाया,  कितनी और है  लालसा

ए मुर्ख! चलना है तुझे अकेले
क्यों न समझा कैसे धोयेगा   इतना सामान
न जाने कितना और है चलना
कितने और बसेरे है बदलने

जिस दिन दिल अनासकत होगा
और चलेगा खाली हाथ
तभी होगी यह यात्रा समाप्त

Stereotypical Mindsets

Stereotypical Mindsets

Its sad to see how the stereotypical way of looking at things in past are still haunting us. That's why still, we don't tell her daughter's to be ambitious, aim high but rather try but if you don't reach it, don't be disappointed.

How ever educated a girl is, irrespective of where she is in her professional ladder. The expectations at home, from husband or in-laws remain the same. She is always be assessed against the typical measure of taking care of responsibility. Being docile, adjusting, self-sacrificing as the needed traits. Its sad, our education system and social system, does not broaden people's views. Each act of yours, should show that family is your priority and you don't make any calls without consultations. It feels lot of times, people want the girl to erase her identity and become just Mrs so and so.

All adjustments forced on to the girl. Its sad to see, even post having a kid, lot of guys don't change and the upbringing of the kid is more of the wife's responsibility.

Lot of times during courtship, the guys' project a very different side of them, which is to just make the girl say yes. What traits do most guys like, how she looks, does she care for me. Its always the question, what there for me in this.

Do they ever connect at her thought level, what her thinking is and what is her innate nature, what are her dreams? The expectation is always that, she should understand me and change for me.

We as a society has lot of learning to do, to restore faith in lot of these relationships.

Like raindrops soothen the barren earth
True connections help fill holes in one soul

a flower knows how much to open at each stage
it knows it cannot be rushed just acts based on what comes naturally
oh mad gardener why this rush to see it bloom
in an effort to make it bloom sooner, you will make the flower wither away

क्यों है हर सफ़र का मंजिल होना जरूरी
क्यों है हर एक को  कुछ पाने की आस
क्यों नहीं जीते चन्द लम्हे भर पूर
कल की सौच के क्यों करते हो आज खराब
क्या  पाना ही जीवन है ?
क्यों नहीं बहते झरने  की तरह
जो जानती है खेल मिलने बिचड़ने का
अगर  मिलना है संजोग तो कब कोई मिल गया पता ही नहीं चलेगा